I try not to notice that knot of panic growing in my belly. When I think about that row to the start of my single race in front of the WHOLE WORLD – in one week! – it slides away into the recesses of my mind like a thief. A thief of my resolve, my balance, my sleep.
It’s the like the marathon you signed up for that sounded so fun in that cool place – Alaska? Disneyland? Until the reality of running for 4 to 6 hours sinks in. Why did I sign up for this?
That’s the question… why did I sign up for this? How did I end up here, a week away from racing a single at Worlds? I signed up in April. Three days after registration opened. Was I ready then? No. I hadn’t even raced a single yet. Not once. What was I thinking?
It comes down to joy. What brings you joy? What makes you happy? What are your dreams? Chase them. My high school yearbook quote was “Dare to make your dreams come true.” If you know me, you will know that I haven’t stopped doing that. Sometimes fear can keep us from chasing our dreams, from reaching our goals. Don’t let your fears rob you of your joy. Your comfort zone is defined by your fears. To be able to step outside it, and LIVE outside it, you have to face them and conquer them. This does NOT mean that the fears go away. You just don’t let fear win. Fear is a thief of happiness.
I told my coach I wanted to race. At that point I had had maybe 5 lessons with her. Race what? Margaret asked. Everything… So she told me to race every 1,000m race I could. (There will be more on this when I wrap up the year.) As the first one approached I was terrified. I went over and over the steps – launching, warming up, alignment, start, race… docking. I thought over and over of all the places I could screw up. Then I was told… don’t forget to have fun. That’s why you’re doing this, right? Oh … yeah…
A singles race is lonely. Scary. When you push off the dock and wave to your friends (my ground crew Mare and Melissa – thank you very much!) you are alone. You become coach, coxswain, stroke… It’s just you. Find the warm up zone, don’t flip, don’t hit or get hit by another boat, find the right lane. Be ready at the right time. Warm up enough. Don’t warm up too much. Relax…. Get to the line – whether it’s a floating start or a stake boat. Breathe. This is fun, right? GO! Now, this IS fun!
So when I think of that start next week, and go over and over the launching, the warm up, finding my stake boat, the start…. I remember the joy, the fun of the race. It’s why I signed up. The fear will be there, but the more I face it, the more I can control it. The more I have pushed the boundaries of my comfort zone and caught the thief.
